The Cutest #Nephew Ever & How My Str8 Sister is A Queer Parent


Daiveyon

Style? Check. Snatched hair? Check. Beat Face? Check. Accessories (Beads)? Check. Swag? Lollipop? Pose? Check, Check & Check!

Above is my beautiful little nephew Daiveyon. He is being raised by my single sister. I’ve watched from afar–she lives back in Kansas and I’m on the east coast–as she goes through the process of single-motherhood. It’s obviously been a struggle, but she has managed with passion, compassion and a hell of a lot of style. Let me be clear, I could not do it!

Synee n Daivy

I know a thing or three about assisting in raising children. Our father was never present, and our mother did the best she could, but between the drugs, the men and the depression, well, I took a lot of the reigns, being the oldest. However, my sister is giving me a true lesson in transgressive, radical parenting and she doesn’t even know a damn thing about ms. bell hooks.

Earlier today, while taking an underserved break from my legal writing memo, I saw a terrible conversation between one of my great aunts and several other family members about my sister. This aunt in particular is actually one of my favorites, she was very supportive when I came out and often acted as a grandmother for me and one of my biggest supporters throughout my career and academic successes–introducing me to the Ivy League and the coast I now call (temporary & frigid) home. Anywho, I’ll just copy the text.

Aunt: “He needs his haircut”
Sis: “No he doesn’t, it’s cute!”
Aunt: “He does to we raise men in our family not reason why boys should wear beads in hair and confused there minds think they little girls”
Aunt: “It not cute at all”
Aunt: “When you go to school and get your hair license and learn about images then maybe you can talk.”
Aunt: “Sons should live there theirs fathers instead of mothers raising him then they learn how to men”
Aunt: “At least I have somes nieces still out that got classic got jobs taking care of there got husband and don’t have different baby daddy’s like they picking Apple’s out barrel bottom of the barrel.”
Me: “I love that my little nephew Daiveyon has long, flawless hair with beads. My sister Syneé Renese is teaching him a valuable lesson. Manhood is not defined by the length of your hair, the clothes that you wear or how “hard” you try to act. Manhood and womanhood, are simply about you expressing the gender (or non-gender) that you feel deeply within your soul, making and remixing them to be your own and succeeding at being your greatest self, one day at a time. To the older generation, afraid for his masculine development, have a seat, or you know, be your own (wo)man.” ‪#‎GoHeadNephew‬‪#‎ThatsMySis‬
*Sight* #CatchThatDirt
 The homophobia, the femmephobia, the heterosexism, the heteropatriarchy, the misogyny, the slut-shaming, the sex negativity, the masculine-anxiety, the fuckery coming from my aunt’s mouth–is disturbing–but the worst part is, that it’s coming from a place of love. Can you imagine? This is how folks act when they believe that masculinity—in this case, a earnestly belief–that a child’s ability to survive and live a full life as a black man is at stake. Shit. That’s double (internal) trouble.
This is why my sister is bomb. She recognizes that her son is not simply her son. At about 2 years old, little Daivy, own his own body. He gets to wear beads because he likes beads. “He really likes the sounds they make when he shake his head. It makes him really happy.” She told me. Now that may sound simple to you, for a sister whose older brother and sometimes father-ish figure is proudly queer, sex-positive, butchQueen and an HIV Survivor (shout out to world AIDS Day), but it’s deeper, because she realizes this isn’t about me or her, it’s about Daivy. In this moment my sister asserted and reminded us all of this child’s autonomy. She’s not concerned with masculinity or normativity. She is concerned with her child living his best life, being knowing his best self and being happy, despite what anybody has to say–no matter their intentions. He may very well grow up to be a str8, right of masculine, super-buff young man. That’s chill. But it won’t be because he was forced into or momma was ashamed. It would be because it’s what he wanted. My sister will not circumcise his ability to be whole. She loves him completely, not regardless of who he is, but because of who he is 🙂 But if he turns out a lil queer like his uncle, I can’t wait to show him the ropes of flawless thriving 😛
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And..as the most successful man in our extended family I say “Long Hair Don’t Carrreee!” Aśe
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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Syneé says:

    Thank you, I love DaiVeyon more than anything. Despite the hurtful words she said I love her too. Its foolishness like this that tears families apart and gives me even more motivation to continue to build my own…somewhat contradicting when his hair is longer than hers. Its okay tho Tabias….I appreciate the love although you did make me cry lol.

    Like

    1. blaqueerflow says:

      No tears, all smiles 😉

      Like

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