This Ain’t Shade Baby, It’s Just Tea With No Cream: Surrender, Brown Refuge & Black Homes


I had suffered so long

wrestled

with the fear of you

dark boy

finding me in my dreams and

doing things that I…

The fear of you

would cause me to sweat

leak

peak

but it would be sacrilege to speak of the throbbing secrets that

existed between my mind and the heat drenched

pillows that counseled me to escape from home,

from the grasps of

Blue-back men

finding me in my hiding space.

It terrified me

to know that they

knew me in a special way.

Knew the passageway to my inner truths,

knew their tongues spoke for parts of me that had no business being heard

out loud. God didn’t give the thighs a voice,

but apparently, through you

she intended for them to be heard

speaking in tongues.

High-yellow man-childs

were my refuge of convenience. I wasn’t impressed or hypnotized

by any exotic notion

of difference or the countenance of white supremacies

trying to unlearn me of the beauty of the diversity of blackness

and the richness of a deep onyx, cocoa chocolate

oil black and smooth brother. I hid in the bakery of high yellow

mixes for their warmth, their sweet cakes and intrigue for what

i could give them. They wanted all my stuff and I knew they’d never get it.

No (love) life based in fear will ever last.

Blue-Back Man

I run no more. I no longer fear the depth of your touch, the truth of your eyes and the risk of disconnection after the locking of lips, hips and ass or the disengagement of departing dicks, kisses and laughter. To know you at all, is to know that the world is here for me too. To know that my oak-brown flesh is worthy of love and not just a color-coded potpourri of jack’d fucks, fleeting kisses and attempts to be seen as the exceptional blaqueer..

Perhaps that was the greatest fear of all. To believe that my tea was both strong

and sweat enough,

worthy to be touched

undiluted,

by the cream.

Follow Tabias Olajuawon on Twitter @BlaQueerFlow. Like our page on Facebook at BlaQueerFlow & Tabias Olajuawon Wilson.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Amazing, one of the most potent reads I’ve ever come across.

    Like

    1. blaqueerflow says:

      Wow. Thanks. You’re causing all the smiles right now!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As a young black male living in London, there is a presence in this piece that truly resonates with those who share such common ground.

    Liked by 1 person

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